michelle w asked:
My 6 yr old and 4 yr old insist on messing about in the bathroom. They go in there in the night or very early in the morning and pour shampoo down the sink, play with the toilet roll, steal our toothbrushes etc. We have removed as many items as possible from the bathroom and issued various punishments, ie no pocket money, no going round friends, no bikes,etc. The behaviour stops for a couple of weeks but then it starts all over again! We are at the end of our tethers. So we decided to give them a shock, after a couple of warnings we took every single toy they own away and put them in the shed! We have told them if they behave for a week they will get one bag back, another week, another bag and so on. Do you think we are being too harsh? What do we do if this doesn’t work! We have a younger boy too (14mths) who watches everthing they do and we are worried he will copy their bad behaviour also, and we will have three kids wrecking our house! It feels like we are just going under here!!
Steven
My 6 yr old and 4 yr old insist on messing about in the bathroom. They go in there in the night or very early in the morning and pour shampoo down the sink, play with the toilet roll, steal our toothbrushes etc. We have removed as many items as possible from the bathroom and issued various punishments, ie no pocket money, no going round friends, no bikes,etc. The behaviour stops for a couple of weeks but then it starts all over again! We are at the end of our tethers. So we decided to give them a shock, after a couple of warnings we took every single toy they own away and put them in the shed! We have told them if they behave for a week they will get one bag back, another week, another bag and so on. Do you think we are being too harsh? What do we do if this doesn’t work! We have a younger boy too (14mths) who watches everthing they do and we are worried he will copy their bad behaviour also, and we will have three kids wrecking our house! It feels like we are just going under here!!
Steven
January 24th, 2008 - 1:04 am
I say keep it up! Show them who’s boss. You’ve got to get your respect back!
January 26th, 2008 - 7:40 pm
it sound like a fine punishment to me. 4 and 6 yr old know when they are doing bad and should expect to be punished. Good luck
January 26th, 2008 - 8:16 pm
My father did that to me as a punishment and it didn’t hurt me Maybe it will be good for them to go without toys for a while. It will encourage imaginative play. It might backfire however because they have nothing to amuse themselves with and they might get into more trouble. Good luck.
January 28th, 2008 - 9:33 am
I just have to ask…..are they boys. I ask this because my boys do these sorts of things. I think all boys do. And no you are not harsh at all. Boys wreck everything they touch. We even went as far as limiting Christmas gifts because half of what they got they would break. Birthdays we give $ and they seem to take care of those things better because they pay for it themselves.
January 30th, 2008 - 8:21 pm
At 4 and 6, they understand what they’re doing and they understand the punishment. The hard part will be not punishing the 14 month old at the same time (not that you mean to). I would also consider putting a latch on the outside of the bathroom high enough that they cant open the door without you helping them. I know that doesnt solve the behavior problem but it might give you some sanity until it stops.
February 1st, 2008 - 11:35 pm
I say good for you!! You have to teach your children that actions have consequences. If they misbehave, they get their toys taken away. Keep it up and don’t give in. You have to show them who’s the boss now or they will be walking all over you for the rest of your life.
February 4th, 2008 - 12:23 pm
This is a very good idea. Stick to your guns. Also, have them help clean up any mess they make.
February 6th, 2008 - 11:55 pm
No,its not too harsh…if it doesnt work,you may have to put a lock on the bathroom door…inconvienient,yes,but it will do the trick…and if not,as a last resort,,,,,you could call supernanny…..?just kidding…its a power play…they want to see how mom and dad will react….if they get a rise out of you,they win!You definitely have to take control of the situation now because your little one is learning from his siblings!
February 8th, 2008 - 5:45 pm
Get creative!
You’ve let them engage you in a power play.
AND you’ve taken away things that can burn energy and distract them from their mischief.
Personally, I would say get the worst shampoo and tooth past possible….REALLY NASTY STUFF like baking soda and put these items where the kids can’t reach them. When the kids do their old tricks, pull out the nasty stuff and help them wash their hair with it and brish their teeth with it, watching them with a smile, reminding them it’s too bad they did what they did and you had to use the back-up supplies.
MAKE THEIR PUNISHMENT ABOUT THE EVENT, not about the power play that’s going on. Otherwise, you’ll keep having them fight you for the sake of beating you instead of learning WHY we don’t dump everything down the sink. Don’t let them see this get you angry. Let them see you feel sorry for what they’ll have to go through now that they’ve done what they’ve done.
February 8th, 2008 - 10:11 pm
Have you asked them why they are mis-behaving? Have a serious talk with them. Set ground rules and tell them that if they follow them, they can “earn” their toys/privileges back.
You may also want to consider putting those anti-door openers on the doors so that “they” can’t open them. Go to the child-proofing section of (like) Target and you will see what I am talking about. It is a two-piece plastic “thing” that you put over a rounded door knob. In order to open the door, you have to squeeze the door-knob cover at the “pressure points”. I know I don’t make sense but you will once you find them. I think “Safety 1st” makes them.
mb
February 10th, 2008 - 3:43 pm
I understand your frustration. I have a 7 and 9 year old who are also “fiesty”, but they haven’t done that yet. I think you have definitely gotten their attentions, I hope it works for you. One thing you may want to add is: getting a hook-and-eye lock for your bathroom and put it up where they can’t reach and lock up your bathroom overnight. If they want to use the toilet they come ask you for permission, that way you can keep an eye on them to make sure they dont do those things.
good luck!
February 12th, 2008 - 9:17 pm
Sounds like an effective idea to me! Keep it up
February 16th, 2008 - 5:28 am
Not harsh at all it is showing them who is boss and who the parents are. When I was little I actually had few of my toys thrown away when I would act up. Very rare but it did happen. And the long they complain about their toys being gone tell them you will add another day before they get them back as well. Don’t buy or let them buy anymore toys as well since they cannot take care of their toys. They want to get something have them do chores around the house that would be fitting for them to earn some money so they know what hard earned money is and they will take care of things and learn a few life lessons as well.
February 17th, 2008 - 12:39 pm
Keep it up. Let them earn a toy at a time at first..as a reward for cleaning up the messes and good behavior…but guess what…it never ends…i have a teenager now, and she is grounded from phone, computer and friends…it has been almost a month and i have to stick to my guns until i see some improvement…
February 20th, 2008 - 5:59 am
I did that to my son and it didn’t bother him one bit. Your kids are only going to find other things to play with such as stuff in the bathroom. Kids play, get used to it. Your problem is that you are all over with the descipline. You need to do ONE thing and do it right. Your kids don’t have stability when you do a dozen different things. Come up with a way to punish them and STICK TO IT. Kids don’t just get punished once and then forever stop doing whatever it was they got punished for. It sounds like your house is chaotic at best, you need to put your foot down. Choose one punishment and do it over and over. Then they’ll learn. A sticker chart may help too. For instance, I was having trouble getting my son into bed. So I made him a sticker chart for every night he goes to bed and does everything he’s susposed before bedtime [like get out clothes for the next day, clean up his room and make sure he has nothing laying about in the house and brushing his teeth ect] he gets a sticker the next day. I bought some toys at the dollar store and when he earns 30 stickers he gets to choose one. Try to remember, these are young children you’re talking about.
February 20th, 2008 - 9:03 am
Not only does it sound reasonable, there’s also the matter of consistency. Were you to rescind the punishment, it would show a lack of distinct boundaries and be counter-productive, so you really must stick by your guns now.
February 20th, 2008 - 11:43 pm
Good for you! Stick to it. If this doesn’t stop then sell the toys on Ebay.
February 22nd, 2008 - 6:42 am
that’s how they will learn, keep doing it and i gaurante you they will be more clean the next time they get their toys.
February 25th, 2008 - 6:38 am
taking their toys away is not an appropriate solution if you think about it. What is it going to accomplish other than make them express their pent up energy in other destructive ways? How do they make the link between no toys and bad bathroom behavior? Maybe you should try a new approach.
If the bathroom is a mess when they’re through, tell them that they cannot play with their toys until they clean it up. This will also work for making them return stolen toothbrushes. Make sure the toys are in the same room as usual and don’t let the kids in that room until the bathroom is clean. This 1) makes them learn and understand responsibility for their actions and 2) establishes a CLEAR link between bathroom and toys.
Since you have already taken the toys away, however, it’s best to wait a week before you start allowing some of them back into your home bit by bit, that way you don’t give the false impression that rules and punishment are fickle things.
Also, sit them down (if you already haven’t) and ask them WHY they’re doing this. If they don’t know, tell them to think about it really hard because you would really like to know. Don’t do this in an angry manner, but instead try to be understanding and compassionate. Explain to them that they are going to sit in that chair until they can give you a good reason (and be sure to remind them gently but firmly that “I don’t know” is not an appropriate answer). If they don’t come up with something, let them go after 10-15 minutes (but do not tell them about this time limit). When they’re allowed to get up after no answer, remind them that you will be having this talk with them again and you hope that they can give you a better answer. This little chat will either provide an answer that can lead to a solution for your problem, or encourage them to NOT make a mess (therefore no sitting for a long time!).
As for your 14-month-old, the best thing you can do is teach him about rules and good behavior before the bad seeds can start to grow.
Good luck =)
February 28th, 2008 - 4:09 pm
I think it sounds ok to me
But how about waking up a little early so they don’t do it??
March 3rd, 2008 - 2:54 am
Gasp!!!I couldn’t imagine the frustration your going through.
At first it sounds a little over the top, but for goodness sakes your the parents and they shouldn’t be disrespecting you like this. Keep up the good work!!! Just be tough, strong, and consistent and they should straighten out soon.